Managing Conflict in the Workplace

By Adrienne Loker, LCSW, EMDR, SE

MYTH: Healthy relationships are void of conflict.

FACT: The health of relationships are dictated by HOW conflict is addressed.

Conflict is a natural part of any human relationship. It’s unavoidable - but trying to avoid it only creates harm.

Common ways we avoid conflict:

1. Pretending we’re not bothered - either ignoring our feelings completely, or justifying whatever it is that we find upsetting.

2. Assume the victim role - we don’t actually have to address conflict if we place full blame on other people.

3. Triangulate - dyads can only tolerate but so much tension before a third party is required to stabilize it. If we’re not addressing conflict directly, then it’s easy to default to gossiping with other team members. 

None of these options are sustainable in the long term. 

In fact, I’ve often joked that the lifespan of most psychotherapy roles is about two years - I find that this is usually the length of time that it takes to go through the honeymoon of a new job and tolerate workplace politics (or conversely, for the workplace to tolerate an employee's re-enactment behavior) until the emotional container has reached capacity.

While psychotherapists have great tools in supporting their clients in conflict, we often experience some cognitive dissonance in applying those into our professional team roles. I think that this is highly influenced by the culture that’s designed by leadership - however I do believe that we all contribute to the culture of the workplace.

To create a workplace culture that embodies emotional safety, conflict transformation must be embedded into our systems. First, I think it's so important to set the expectation with the team that we WILL experience conflict, and that we will handle it with curiosity and compassion. I’ve found that this has helped us to not be surprised when conflict arises, which minimizes our risk of internalizing conflict as a personal failing.

As soon as we have the emotional bandwidth for a conversation, the conflict must be addressed. What I’ve found in addressing workplace conflict is that most of us just want to be seen or heard, even if there’s nothing to actually change to resolve the conflict. This helps to untangle the natural re-enactments that take place at work - where employees role supervisors as their emotionally or financially unavailable caregivers, or they role their peers as their competitive siblings.

I think the most important thing is to abstain from the impulse to triangulate. When we turn to other coworkers to express our grievances, rather than address them head on, we run the risk of dividing our team. Group therapy practices are interdependent - it’s impossible to have individual success without having team success.

If you’d like to work in an environment where succeeding as a team is valued, I encourage you to check out our website to see if we’re doing the kind of work you’re passionate about. Find out more about what we’re looking for and what we’re offering here.

Adrienne Loker, LCSW is an EMDRIA Certified Therapist, EMDR Consultant in Training, and Somatic Experiencing Therapist. She owns and operates a trauma-sensitive therapy practice, Seeking Depth to Recovery, that specializes in the treatment of complex and non-verbal trauma, using experiential modalities in an intensive format. In as little as one 90-minute intensive therapy session, participants report marked insight into their anxiety, panic, depression, and trauma compared to their previous experience with traditional talk therapy.

#TraumaTherapy #TreatmentforTrauma #ComplexTrauma #CPTSD #EMDR #IFS #CPTSD #ComplexPTSD